Why, Oh Pie?

Tomorrow is the beginning of Advent!  Where did November go?

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful.  A friend brought the turkey and the stuffing, I catered in some sides, then made a cranberry salad and an apple pie (which was terrible.  More on that in a minute.) We laughed and reminisced with my parents, who are hard of hearing and tell funny stories about past Thanksgivings.  Then, we all ate too much and wobbled our way to various sofas/beds to doze.

Our daughter cleaned up the kitchen (this was huge, as the kitchen was quite the mess) while I put my feet up.  Because earlier that morning, I ran into my own cane with my non-walking boot foot, and, I suspect, broke a toe.

I've broken toes before, and I'm always amazed at how painful they are.  Toes hold such tiny bones, you'd think you wouldn't miss one if it fell off completely.  But, they won't be ignored.  They throb and ache until you just sit down.

Luckily, I'm going to my foot doc on Tues for my left foot injury, so I'll have him look at the purple toe.  It wouldn't surprise me if he said, "You don't deserve feet.  You don't take care of them.  Here are two peg legs.  Good luck."

When I first saw him for my torn tissues on the other foot, he scowled at my ratty Keds and said, "Throw those away."  He really is a nice guy and a good doctor, but I'm feeling complete shame about not really paying attention to my feet.  I'm paying now alright.  If he gives me a boot for the broken toe foot, I might consider the peg legs.

Does anybody have a good, really truly good pie crust recipe?  I'm pretty good in the baking department, but I can't master a good pie crust to save my feet.  I've used Crisco, cold butter, the egg and vinegar thing, even a cream cheese recipe...they all crack and fall apart as I try to get them into the pie pan.  Once baked, they're sandy or tough.  I've used a pastry cutter, I've used a food processor, I've used forks to blend the dough.  No method seems better than the other.  My pie crusts are not good. And I've used the recipes that say "no fail pie crust" and "the perfect pie crust."

Lies, all lies.

This is what I can to with a store-bought crust.  Not bad, I think.  I can assemble a pie just fine.  But the crust itself?  I don't get it.  Every time I plan to bake a pie, I go in excited - this will be the time it works!  Ten minutes in, I'm disgusted with the whole mess.  I go ahead and bake the thing because I'm not going to waste ingredients, but it's always a disappointment. And I swear I'll never do it again.

Then I get sucked in next holiday season, because I'm irritated that a pie crust is getting the best of me.  I can't let the thing win.  So I try again.  I'm clearly insane because insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  I have to get off this hamster wheel.

So...if you have a truly fail-proof pie crust recipe - or some tips on the secret to a good, flaky crust - please let me know.  Drop me a comment, or email me at ballpark001@gmail.com.  I'd be so grateful.

While I'm waiting, I'll be practicing how to get around on my knees.