Things I Know for Sure

I had a birthday over the summer.  When I was eight, I thought the age I am now was really decrepit.

I also thought I would know more by this age.  Oh, I have more useless knowledge in my head, but I really expected to be wiser by the time I was this decrepit.  I'm wiser than eight, but sometimes I still feel only twelve.  Do we ever really grow up?  Author Leo Buscaglia said we don't - we just get taller.

Oprah writes in her magazine every month "The thing I know for sure...." and then she adds some life lesson she's gained in her 50+ years.

 From my now decrepit point of view, here are some things I know for sure....

1.  I should have appreciated my slender frame when I was 20, instead of thinking I was fat.

2.  It was very beneficial growing up with a handicapped brother.  I like to think I'm more compassionate because of it.

3.  Never have a squirrel monkey as a pet.  They're stinky and mean.

4.  When you're feeling insecure for whatever reason, thinking the world is watching you and judging - relax.  Nobody cares.  People are focused on their own insecurities, thinking the world is watching them and judging.  It's really silly.

5.  Trouble always starts out fun.  

6.  Dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate.  White chocolate is not really chocolate, and it sucks.

7.  When extra money comes your way, almost immediately, a major appliance will die, or the car will need a new transmission. 

8.  Black cohosh with clover really can minimize hot flashes.  

9.  As soon as you find a great product you love, the manufacturer will either change it, or stop making it. 

10.  No one notices the freshly-mopped floor.  The sticky, grungy one?  Everyone notices. 

11.  When company is coming for dinner, always make dessert first.  If your company cancels, you still have dessert.

12.  Coconut oil and vitamin E (squeezed out of its capsule) are the best facial moisturizers.

13.  Repairs on anything are always going to cost more than you think.

14.  Gardening is harder than it looks.  Even if you think it looks hard, it's harder than that.

15.  Cholesterol is from the devil.

16.  There will come a point in life when your doctor is younger than you. This is very weird.

17.  Be nice to cashiers and waiter/waitresses, no matter what.  They deal with rude customers more than anyone else on the planet.   

18.  People do the best they can with what they believe at the time.

19.  That size 10 dress you're saving, hoping you'll get back into it some day?  Take it to the thrift shop.  If you ever reach size 10 again, trust me, you'll buy a new dress.  

20.  Learn to forgive.  Do whatever it takes to get there, because a bitter heart contaminates everyone around you.  (It helps to remember you've hurt people too.)

21.  Grey's Anatomy is a semi-trashy, medical dramedy (drama/comedy) that I wish I didn't enjoy, but, for some reason, I'm hooked. 

22.  Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnuts on the planet.    

23. Thinking ahead is the number one skill we should learn in high school.

24.  For the most part, you can't tell your mom what to do.   Well, you can, but she won't listen. 

25.  No matter what you're looking for in your purse, it's always at the bottom.

I wonder if Oprah knows all this cool stuff.


Chatty Crone said...

Gosh so many of them rang true for me - how did you think of all those.

I would tell you which ones I liked - but I liked them all.

Unknown said...

Love the list Mare and do you ever you speak the truth.
Oh to be a size 10 again! Must be those Crispy Creme's :)

Lynn Proctor said...

omgosh--you are wrong, you have become extremely wise!!! #1--i so agree--#2--gives me great comfort #3--i always wanted a monkey #4--i know this is true, but still can't remember it from time to time--#6-give me that milk chocolate please :)--#7--oh yeah--#11--great tip!!--#12--thanks, for the reminder, i knew this but had forgotten!--#16-#17yep----#20--you know it!!--#21--guilty too ;)---#25--haha---super great post:)

Joyce said...

What a fun post! I might tuck this idea away for my next birthday : )

kim said...

HA! I'm so glad you mentioned Gray's Anatomy. I am so ashamed that I look forward to that show every week. Nice to know someone else can't stop watching it too!

Anonymous said...

Fabulous list!!! Especially #6--couldn't agree more. :)


momto8 said...

like your list!!
the doctors now look about age 12 to me.

Emmy said...

Love this list!! #4 is so true! I wish more people realized that- plus then some might not feel they have to one up or belittle others too as most aren't even paying that mich attention.

renae said...

Dear Truth Sayer! You!

The following are so true: #1,2,4,7,12,13,16,18,20,25.
#6: I know, white chocolate is VERY strange.
#8: I've heard that is true, so finally I may take it now.
#10: I KNOW!
#15: Then the devil is in cows, pigs and chickens LOL
#19: I'm still holding out on this one. -30 lbs is all I need.
#22: Krispy Kremes don't appeal to me. Yay!
#24: I know I don't listen to my daughters if I don't want to.

The other #s I didn't list are neither here nor there.


betty said...

I like the thought of making dessert first if having company; that is very wise advice I do think!


Annalisa Crawford said...

I can relate to so many of these - great list!

Kenya G. Johnson said...

I want to go back and slap myself for a worrying about a 3 pound fluctuation.

White chocolate is nasty isn't it! Barf.

Thanks for #8 - I'm in denial - washing sheets this morning.

#16 hasn't happened yet - but the teachers and pro ball players waaaaaay younger - that's weird

#25 I always growl at my purse, "You have GOT to be kidding!"

Loved your list and I believe I missed saying it so Happy Belated Birthday - you look great for decrepit. ;-)

Michael Ann said...

Some things are just universal aren't they? And these are them! Great list!

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

I think you are as wise as a guru!! So many of your "truths" ring true with me

Rita said...

OMGosh! I was giggling through this whole list, wise woman! :) :)

Cindy Dwyer said...

Very funny list. I've experienced some of these for myself.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Ok if you were watching me read this you would think my head looked like one of those heads that bob up and down on a stick because I just kept nodding.............

I so look at my wedding photos and think I looked so thin but of course I thought I was fat and now that I am fat guess what I am still me and I am still a wonderful loving person......too me bloody long enough to get that.......

I am writing a post about hanging onto anger so I get number 20

Tamera Brose said...

Love, love, love this post. I couldn't agree more with #16. That's when I really started to feel old.

Marianne said...

I'm with you on everything but #6. That's crazy talk. Everyone knows milk chocolate is better and dark chocolate is practically health food.

Marianne said...

I'm with you on everything but #6. That's crazy talk. Everyone knows milk chocolate is better and dark chocolate is practically health food.

Marianne said...

I'm with you on everything but #6. That's crazy talk. Everyone knows milk chocolate is better and dark chocolate is practically health food.

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom said...

Much cool stuff here. I'm filing the hot flash one away for future reference. And, I'm having company Saturday and definitely making dessert first!

Darlene said...

What a great list, and so very true! I really like the one about making dessert first! It's also a good idea to eat dessert first!

Jerralea said...

I adore this list! I testify they are all true - especially 4, 7 & 13.

What good thinking - make dessert - at least you'll always have that!

Elizabeth said...

This was so funny! I'd been thinking about writing a similar post. If I ever get down to it, I can't wait to see what I'll say!
A few comments . . .
Is the Squirrel monkey thing something you learned from personal experience?
I plan to file #8 for future use, well, maybe I'll just write it down instead.
Number 12 sounds great, have to try it.
Number 20 is a hard one. I've been praying to learn to forgive AND forget.
Dessert? Yes! Perfect idea.

Juli said...

I love this, and think I may steal it for my next post! :)

Ruth said...

You mean the extra money thing happens to everyone? I just thought we were just unlucky.
This is a great list! So many good points.

Karen Lange said...

Excellent stuff, Mare! I agree, dark chocolate is WAY better than milk chocolate. And we aren't even discussing white chocolate...:) Love the one about dessert and company, too!