Why, Oh Pie?

Tomorrow is the beginning of Advent!  Where did November go?

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful.  A friend brought the turkey and the stuffing, I catered in some sides, then made a cranberry salad and an apple pie (which was terrible.  More on that in a minute.) We laughed and reminisced with my parents, who are hard of hearing and tell funny stories about past Thanksgivings.  Then, we all ate too much and wobbled our way to various sofas/beds to doze.

Our daughter cleaned up the kitchen (this was huge, as the kitchen was quite the mess) while I put my feet up.  Because earlier that morning, I ran into my own cane with my non-walking boot foot, and, I suspect, broke a toe.

I've broken toes before, and I'm always amazed at how painful they are.  Toes hold such tiny bones, you'd think you wouldn't miss one if it fell off completely.  But, they won't be ignored.  They throb and ache until you just sit down.

Luckily, I'm going to my foot doc on Tues for my left foot injury, so I'll have him look at the purple toe.  It wouldn't surprise me if he said, "You don't deserve feet.  You don't take care of them.  Here are two peg legs.  Good luck."

When I first saw him for my torn tissues on the other foot, he scowled at my ratty Keds and said, "Throw those away."  He really is a nice guy and a good doctor, but I'm feeling complete shame about not really paying attention to my feet.  I'm paying now alright.  If he gives me a boot for the broken toe foot, I might consider the peg legs.

Does anybody have a good, really truly good pie crust recipe?  I'm pretty good in the baking department, but I can't master a good pie crust to save my feet.  I've used Crisco, cold butter, the egg and vinegar thing, even a cream cheese recipe...they all crack and fall apart as I try to get them into the pie pan.  Once baked, they're sandy or tough.  I've used a pastry cutter, I've used a food processor, I've used forks to blend the dough.  No method seems better than the other.  My pie crusts are not good. And I've used the recipes that say "no fail pie crust" and "the perfect pie crust."

Lies, all lies.

This is what I can to with a store-bought crust.  Not bad, I think.  I can assemble a pie just fine.  But the crust itself?  I don't get it.  Every time I plan to bake a pie, I go in excited - this will be the time it works!  Ten minutes in, I'm disgusted with the whole mess.  I go ahead and bake the thing because I'm not going to waste ingredients, but it's always a disappointment. And I swear I'll never do it again.

Then I get sucked in next holiday season, because I'm irritated that a pie crust is getting the best of me.  I can't let the thing win.  So I try again.  I'm clearly insane because insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  I have to get off this hamster wheel.

So...if you have a truly fail-proof pie crust recipe - or some tips on the secret to a good, flaky crust - please let me know.  Drop me a comment, or email me at ballpark001@gmail.com.  I'd be so grateful.

While I'm waiting, I'll be practicing how to get around on my knees.


Mari said...

Aaagh! Your poor feet. I'm sorry about your toe. :(
People always used to tell me I made a good pie crust. It looked and tasted good. One day in a hurry, I picked up a Pillsbury refrigerated crust. I think it tastes great, my hubby can't tell the difference. So that's my tip. Buy the crust!

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I like my pie recipe and always use it no matter what kind of pie I'm making. It uses an egg and tbsp. vinegar along with the traditional Crisco, salt and flour. It sounds as though you may have already tried that without success though. So sorry to hear about the toe. When it rains it pours they say! Take good care !

Juli said...

I never paid attention to my feet either... needless to say I buy new sneakers every 3 months. Crazy that we don't give them more thought as they really do so much for us.

My "family" pie recipe doesn't have a bottom crust. But it's super yummy just the same.
1c flour
1 egg
1 tea salt
1 stick butter
1 c sugar
1 tea cinnamon (for apple)

Mix together and POUR over cut apples, pears, cherries, blueberries, or peaches. The crust bakes down and forms the insides/bottom of the pie as well. The top is flaky. Bake at 350 for 45-1 hour.

Chatty Crone said...

Oh my gosh - only you with the feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I am so sorry.

And that pie looked professional to me.

Hope you feel better.

Rita said...

Oh Gosh! That toe looks like it really hurts! Ouch!

I never baked pies much at all and had trouble with the crust, too, so I am no help. I think I want to try Juli's pour on pie crust, though. ;)

MaryPNettles said...

Haven't made a pie crust in decades, but the one I did use was good. The water has to be COLD. Will see if I can remember to bring it with me when I come. I have the same problems with my $40 worth of ingredients for my fruit and nut fudge. Had to throw the whole batch out this time. Never again-probably till next year.

Sorry about the toe. This has been a painful year, hasn't it? Let's hope we can look back on 2014 and sigh with relief because 2015 is much better.

Brenda said...

I am giggling at your expense, but really, I'm sorry about your poor toe. Ouch!

Kenya G. Johnson said...

I'm not a pie maker. I would love to make fresh apple pie like my great grandmother made her crust was real. I would love to go back in time and pay attention. So in other words I don't have anything for you.

Sorry about your toe. I have learned that my feet can't just wear any old thing anymore. I can't walk barefoot, I need support and I can't wear flip flops all over or ratty Ked's ;-)

Cathy said...

Nope sorry! I can't help with a pie crust! lol

Hope your toe isn't broken!

Anonymous said...

I discovered gluten free pie crust by the butter this year. It's pretty good, but next year I will grease the pie plates before I bake it. The darn thing stuck to them tighter than glue!